cruel conversations
an actual self-preservation moment with cedrix, a conversation that took place in facebook yesterday. this is just part of the what we had discussed. no thanks to the chat system of fb, i am afraid i couldn't retrieve the messages from the beginning (unless it is just me).
i don't know why but i seem to be everyone's (whom i know) shrink. i don't really mind, however, all are forewarned that i am the type who won't tell you what you wanted to hear.
i don't know why but i seem to be everyone's (whom i know) shrink. i don't really mind, however, all are forewarned that i am the type who won't tell you what you wanted to hear.
- - - - -
Margot: un ung gusto niyang makasama habang buhay hindi ikaw. ang linaw naman db
6:29pm Cedrix: what about my son?hahayaan ko ba na balahurain nya anak ko?
6:29pmMargot: d mo nga anak un
6:29pmCedrix: siguro nga. sabagay, in the first place, kung anak ko yun at kung ako mahal nya. hay, ang gulo...
6:30pmMargot: sinagot mo na tanong mo. not yours. palusot lang
6:30pmCedrix: palusot lang na? akin yung bata? to use me?
6:32pmMargot: hindi. hindi sau ung bata pero dahil pinaalam niya sa kanila sa iyo eh kasi
6:33pmCedrix: WHAT'S THE PURPOSE? an saya diba?
6:33pmMargot: well. ano din ba dahilan ng orig bf na pakasalan ang babae
6:33pmCedrix: ewan ko. siguro great love
6:34pmMargot: na nabuntis ng iba. hahaha. well i doubt
6:34pmCedrix: his the hero remember
6:34pmMargot: nakakasuka ang babae mo
6:34pmCedrix: I dont know where to start
6:34pmMargot: sabihin na lang natin it will be better on your part na wag na makialam dyan. hindi ako naniniwalang gusto mong makasal sa isang sira ulo. sorry if it sounds harsh. pero she doesn't want to marry u. so that's a hint. she doesn't want to wake up. next to u. bring ur name,
etc.
6:38pmCedrix: and I have to get rid of her. how? I mean she's my life
6:38pmMargot: that's the problem siguro. you aren't her's
6:39pmCedrix: Any workarounds? any plans? any rehabilitation plans. lolz. baliw na ako. I am sane to do things that other people sees as normal activities. though Im barely holding up
6:40pmMargot: hindi na tama na ipush mo sarili mo sa taong d ka kailangan
6:41pmCedrix: Im not pushing. Im escaping. and escaping is something I find difficult to do
6:41pmMargot: escape what? eh ang gusto mo sau siya hanggang sa huli. i am sure if i am saying the same thing about louie
6:42pmCedrix: deep inside, yep
6:42pmMargot: you'll not find it aceptable
6:42pmCedrix: but I have to find a reason to continue
6:42pmMargot: you'll tell me to move on
6:43pmCedrix: Im finding it hard to look for a reason
6:43pmMargot: for what ba? for what ba?
6:43pmCedrix: I feel that I ceased to exist
6:44pmMargot: ahahaha
6:44pmCedrix: anu ng purpose ko ngayon
6:44pmMargot: lahat ng iniwan, ganyan iniisip. kung inisip ko yan, kausap mo ba ako ngayon? while mas may gravity ang sa iyo, it's the same thing - the person we love doesn't want us
6:49pmMargot: don't look for purpose. hindi mo yan makikita. what makes me different from any other person who was rejected? we are all the same. we are going to lick our wounds and walk with our heads up high.
6:50pmCedrix: Can I put my faith to my unshakable human heart
6:50pmMargot: hahaha. faith in what
6:51pmCedrix: faith in survival? that I have to lift my pride as a person. but how?
6:51pmMargot; i'm breathing, smiling. if i can do it, why not u
6:52pmCedrix: Im laughing at the idea, talo pa near death experience lolz
6:53pmMargot: why die
6:54pmCedrix: to let her go, to put an end to this misery. To be totally alone and not to go back for something that denies me
6:56pmMargot: makikinabang b pamilya mo? gastos pa palibing. hiya pa ang kwento. na sa self-control mo ang pagiwas kaso obsessed ka kaya siguro it didn't work out
6:58pmCedrix: so in the end, it turns out to be an obsession. it paints and its getting clearer
6:58pmMargot: read ur answers
6:59pmCedrix: though, if you are on my shoes, do you think losing your love one and child is an obsession? obsession not for them to go
7:00pmMargot: ipa dna mo ang bata paglabas
7:00pmCedrix: tapos? any legal settlements? di naman kame kasal eh
7:00pmMargot: so? siya nanay, she has the say. so stop it. if she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you, that is one good reason not to even marry her,. if the kid is yours eh d visitation rights. pero to marry her, stop. kung gusto mong pareparehong miserable ang buhay niyo at may bata pang pwedeng matrauma, go, do what you want wag ka makinig sa akin.
7:03pmCedrix: hay, trauma na sa bata na wala xang ama or not knowing his true father
7:04pmMargot: bahala ka nga
7:04pmCedrix: maybe its best for me to leave the living
7:04pmMargot: ayaw mo makinig, pwede ka naman kumilos when the time comes. but noooooooo, selfish ka at ayaw mo sa gusto ng tao, gusto mo sa gusto mo
7:05pmCedrix: maybe my flaw as a human to see what is fit in front of me. siguro nga Im doing power play
7:05pmMargot: you've lost her matagal na ikaw lang ayaw makakita. matagal ko nang sinabi sau pero d ka naman nakikinig. malambing ka lang ok na. mamaya d pa sau un. kung ego mo yan, well sorry ka na lang ganun talaga HINDI IKAW ANG GUSTO NIYANG MAPANGASAWA
7:07pmCedrix: thanks, had it coming ganun din ending =))
7:08pmMargot: i am sorry, pero yan un, sana ikaw na lang pinili
7:08pmCedrix: you dont have to be sorry
7:09pmMargot: the reason why iba ang pinakilala niya sa magulang niya na ama was because baka ayaw pa nung una magpakasal ng lalake sa kanya at andyan ka para akuin un. pero in the end pumayag din bf niya so there u go. hope it now makes sense that you are just the 2nd choice
7:09pmCedrix: always the second choice
7:10pmMargot: take it and leave it
7:12pmCedrix: I ceased to exist as cedrix. I hope I can find a reason to make my heart and soul do another heartbear heartbeat* Im one certified feminist and romantic asshole lolz
7:14pmMargot: just move on
7:14pmCedrix: it comes to this I guess
