an actual self-preservation moment with cedrix, a conversation that took place in facebook yesterday. this is just part of the what we had discussed. no thanks to the chat system of fb, i am afraid i couldn't retrieve the messages from the beginning (unless it is just me).
i don't know why but i seem to be everyone's (whom i know) shrink. i don't really mind, however, all are forewarned that i am the type who won't tell you what you wanted to hear.
- - - - -
Margot: un ung gusto niyang makasama habang buhay hindi ikaw. ang linaw naman db
6:29pm
Cedrix: what about my son?hahayaan ko ba na balahurain nya anak ko?
6:29pm
Margot: d mo nga anak un
6:29pm
Cedrix: siguro nga. sabagay, in the first place, kung anak ko yun at kung ako mahal nya. hay, ang gulo...
6:30pm
Margot: sinagot mo na tanong mo. not yours. palusot lang
6:30pm
Cedrix: palusot lang na? akin yung bata? to use me?
6:32pm
Margot: hindi. hindi sau ung bata pero dahil pinaalam niya sa kanila sa iyo eh kasi
6:33pm
Cedrix: WHAT'S THE PURPOSE? an saya diba?
6:33pm
Margot: well. ano din ba dahilan ng orig bf na pakasalan ang babae
6:33pm
Cedrix: ewan ko. siguro great love
6:34pm
Margot: na nabuntis ng iba. hahaha. well i doubt
6:34pm
Cedrix: his the hero remember
6:34pm
Margot: nakakasuka ang babae mo
6:34pm
Cedrix: I dont know where to start
6:34pm
Margot: sabihin na lang natin it will be better on your part na wag na makialam dyan. hindi ako naniniwalang gusto mong makasal sa isang sira ulo. sorry if it sounds harsh. pero she doesn't want to marry u. so that's a hint. she doesn't want to wake up. next to u. bring ur name,
etc.
6:38pm
Cedrix: and I have to get rid of her. how? I mean she's my life
6:38pm
Margot: that's the problem siguro. you aren't her's
6:39pm
Cedrix: Any workarounds? any plans? any rehabilitation plans. lolz. baliw na ako. I am sane to do things that other people sees as normal activities. though Im barely holding up
6:40pm
Margot: hindi na tama na ipush mo sarili mo sa taong d ka kailangan
6:41pm
Cedrix: Im not pushing. Im escaping. and escaping is something I find difficult to do
6:41pm
Margot: escape what? eh ang gusto mo sau siya hanggang sa huli. i am sure if i am saying the same thing about louie
6:42pm
Cedrix: deep inside, yep
6:42pm
Margot: you'll not find it aceptable
6:42pm
Cedrix: but I have to find a reason to continue
6:42pm
Margot: you'll tell me to move on
6:43pm
Cedrix: Im finding it hard to look for a reason
6:43pm
Margot: for what ba? for what ba?
6:43pm
Cedrix: I feel that I ceased to exist
6:44pm
Margot: ahahaha
6:44pm
Cedrix: anu ng purpose ko ngayon
6:44pm
Margot: lahat ng iniwan, ganyan iniisip. kung inisip ko yan, kausap mo ba ako ngayon? while mas may gravity ang sa iyo, it's the same thing - the person we love doesn't want us
6:49pm
Margot: don't look for purpose. hindi mo yan makikita. what makes me different from any other person who was rejected? we are all the same. we are going to lick our wounds and walk with our heads up high.
6:50pm
Cedrix: Can I put my faith to my unshakable human heart
6:50pm
Margot: hahaha. faith in what
6:51pm
Cedrix: faith in survival? that I have to lift my pride as a person. but how?
6:51pm
Margot; i'm breathing, smiling. if i can do it, why not u
6:52pm
Cedrix: Im laughing at the idea, talo pa near death experience lolz
6:53pm
Margot: why die
6:54pm
Cedrix: to let her go, to put an end to this misery. To be totally alone and not to go back for something that denies me
6:56pm
Margot: makikinabang b pamilya mo? gastos pa palibing. hiya pa ang kwento. na sa self-control mo ang pagiwas kaso obsessed ka kaya siguro it didn't work out
6:58pm
Cedrix: so in the end, it turns out to be an obsession. it paints and its getting clearer
6:58pm
Margot: read ur answers
6:59pm
Cedrix: though, if you are on my shoes, do you think losing your love one and child is an obsession? obsession not for them to go
7:00pm
Margot: ipa dna mo ang bata paglabas
7:00pm
Cedrix: tapos? any legal settlements? di naman kame kasal eh
7:00pm
Margot: so? siya nanay, she has the say. so stop it. if she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you, that is one good reason not to even marry her,. if the kid is yours eh d visitation rights. pero to marry her, stop. kung gusto mong pareparehong miserable ang buhay niyo at may bata pang pwedeng matrauma, go, do what you want wag ka makinig sa akin.
7:03pm
Cedrix: hay, trauma na sa bata na wala xang ama or not knowing his true father
7:04pm
Margot: bahala ka nga
7:04pm
Cedrix: maybe its best for me to leave the living
7:04pm
Margot: ayaw mo makinig, pwede ka naman kumilos when the time comes. but noooooooo, selfish ka at ayaw mo sa gusto ng tao, gusto mo sa gusto mo
7:05pm
Cedrix: maybe my flaw as a human to see what is fit in front of me. siguro nga Im doing power play
7:05pm
Margot: you've lost her matagal na ikaw lang ayaw makakita. matagal ko nang sinabi sau pero d ka naman nakikinig. malambing ka lang ok na. mamaya d pa sau un. kung ego mo yan, well sorry ka na lang ganun talaga HINDI IKAW ANG GUSTO NIYANG MAPANGASAWA
7:07pm
Cedrix: thanks, had it coming ganun din ending =))
7:08pm
Margot: i am sorry, pero yan un, sana ikaw na lang pinili
7:08pm
Cedrix: you dont have to be sorry
7:09pm
Margot: the reason why iba ang pinakilala niya sa magulang niya na ama was because baka ayaw pa nung una magpakasal ng lalake sa kanya at andyan ka para akuin un. pero in the end pumayag din bf niya so there u go. hope it now makes sense that you are just the 2nd choice
7:09pm
Cedrix: always the second choice
7:10pm
Margot: take it and leave it
7:12pm
Cedrix: I ceased to exist as cedrix. I hope I can find a reason to make my heart and soul do another heartbear heartbeat* Im one certified feminist and romantic asshole lolz
7:14pm
Margot: just move on
7:14pm
Cedrix: it comes to this I guess
