nobody wants to know this
"Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
i can see it coming. before you all prejudge me for posting this, i would like to remind you that this is mine to dwell on, not yours.
so what would've possibly moved me to write something nobody wanted to know? One word: anniversary
a year ago, yesterday actually, marked the first year that we spent our last happy days together. we attended the nu 107 2008 rock awards, we went to divisoria, we went out with my friends, i introduced him to krispy kreme. somehow, in between moments of smiles and laughter i felt a tinge of sadness. maybe it was what they call women's intuition, the feeling of uneasiness laced with doubt and fear that it may be the last...true enough, it was.
so, as everyone who knew of the tragedy, your heroine would find out months later that she was used, misled, fooled and abandoned by her common friends with the antagonist. why they have chosen to do so is understandable, they saw me not as a friend but someone they felt guilty to be associated with. guilt for having played a part of the illusion that would eventually destroy a huge part of my faith in human kindness and compassion.
when i decided that i have had enough, i left without a tear in my eyes. for the first time in my life, i felt empty but not lost. i knew, there was no other way and i could not fight for something that was no longer mine. or was it never mine to begin with?
but that was then. to date, i don't bother. we last met just this october (34 days ago, to be exact) after 2 months of no communication. he said his apologies, how he never meant to hurt me, that it was all his fault. funny, he never admitted that he has a girlfriend (and that is supposed to be love) and maintained that women is a part of the life of being in a band.
"friends naman tayo 'di ba?" (we're friends, right?)
i don't really know what he meant by that but that was the last that i heard from him. we are friends who are no longer in touch of each other, so much for "i will text you" crap. maybe it was a joke or another of his lies, why would i even believe him in the first place.
unhappy sentiments aside, a time will come when i will not remember much and that is why i wrote this while i still do. after all, we have been in each other's lives for the past 3 years and i attribute many genuinely happy times to him so it can't really be that bad - regardless how bad everything went towards the end. on the other hand, because i loved him, it is only fitting that i let go so he may be happy even if it meant that i should loose him and become a repressed memory.
Dr. Seuss is right, i smile because it happened.
